Friday, April 20

Recipe for Teatime

Equipment needed:

1 child. I am using an orally aversive one just to be difficult. This is not necessary, especially if you have a nervous disposition
1 highchair or sitting device, preferably with a table
100000 spoons or thereabouts
A wipe clean floor. Start with it super-clean


1-2 small pots of fromage frais or similar
approx 40g fruit puree
2 cheesey biscuits (can be replaced with other dry food like crackers, breadstick, ricecake)
A soft texture like strips of bread or cake
A few soliders of buttered toast/hot cross bun/tea cake/use your imagination
Some slices of fruit/avocado/steamed or roasted vegetables
Several large dollops of patience, and then a bit more for good luck

  1. Seat child in the chair. Strap said child in: they will try to escape.
  2. Lay loose food items out on tray of highchair. 
  3. Let the child browse and pick them up. Many will fly over the sides. Try to intercept as many as possible. A clean floor is vital. If you are unfortunate enough to live in a carpeted kitchen, put down an old sheet, newspaper or similar NOW.
  4. Encourage child to touch items they are blatantly ignoring. 'Share' in the meal. Better still, have a similar one at the same time or use the time for a buffet style snack.
  5. If child attempts to feed you (hint: thrusting dribbly half-chewed item of food at your nose is code for sharing) take some nibbles and then try and return the favour. Try not to be mortally offended if they refuse.
  6. Once you can see teeth marks in food items and there is now more on the floor or in the stomach of the child than on the table, unleash your spoon collection.
  7. Take top off fromage frais pot
  8. Administer small spoonfuls. Assuming this goes well, carry on. Child may at this point start trying to grab the spoon. Unveil your patience and allow this. Replace with one of your many spare spoons. Repeat as necessary.
  9. Once you have reached approximately half way through the small pot, start to add some smooth fruit puree. Try to get a mix of half and half on the spoon. Feed child as normal.
  10. If child does not bat an eyelid or scream the house down, repeat for a few steps.
  11. If this is still going well, steadily add fruit puree.
  12. ADVANCED MOVE (optional): crack onto the second fromage frais with fruit combo. Use your intuition on this.
  13. When child begins to cry, hide under their arms or bite the sides of the highchair, it is time to stop. This is different from avoidance tactics like staring into space and squwarking. 

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