Wednesday, April 18


Dear You,

I think we should have some serious words.

I know you've been having a hard time recently. Or rather, Brain has been giving you a hard time. If it is any consolation, it isn't your fault about Brain. It's nothing you've done or not done that makes her a bit unstable; it's nothing your parents did or something that happened, it's just that that is how you humans are made. Sorry. It's an evolutionary thing. Those cave-ancestors have a lot to answer for, they set a pattern of primitive reactions designed to protect and save you. Only things have become far less clear cut since then. That's where I came in, to reason and rationalise, to plan and remember. Brain got a bit boisterous and took over a bit. The default alarm went off. But I'm back now and I'm just going to do some spring cleaning if you don't mind.

*does some dusting*

Ahem. Now. I've tried to sort out some things. It's a bit of a mess if I'm honest. You never have been very good at tidying have you? It would help if this jumble went into some boxes. Why don't we try a very simple system and tidy things away by situation. Here is the neonatal box, here is the job box, here is the hospital box *put memories in boxes* there! isn't that better? They aren't going to get lost. They are just tidied up. You can get them out again and again if you want to, but I think we'll put the lid on for now. Brain can get a bit over-excited and fling them everywhere and that helps no one.

No wonder you feel tired and drained. But that will pass. We just need a little push. You should be proud. All this and you've done it all. You've done everything on your own and not washing up at night doesn't take away from that.

Another thing. It's okay to feel a bit rubbish sometimes. Everyone does. Why shouldn't you cry or shout? Why does it make you ungrateful if you feel down? Answer: it doesn't. It's normal. Look at that pile of boxes-that is a lot of hurt. Anyone would feel the same. You're allowed to grieve the past but that is different from ruminating and wallowing. The past can't change now but as it gets further away it will get less tender. Moving away isn't forgetting, it's just making space for new things. Exciting things! Think of the future. So much fun to be had! I'm afraid you'll always carry these fears and pangs, but we've just got to calm Brain down to ensure that they don't dominate everything. And Brain will calm down, the silly old thing. But just give me a shout if she gets too much, okay?

Kind regards,

Your faithful Mind x

1 comment:

  1. Just wanted to let you know that I often read your blog. It is so touching and thought provoking that I don't always know what to say. You have both been through so much! Just wanted you know that I'm visiting. Even though I'm not always commenting. Maybe I should just leave an x so you know I've been. ;o) Hope you are o.k. hon. x