Maternity Leave

Tomorrow when the Queen gives her speech, she is expected to address the proposed new changes for maternity and parental leave as put forward by the Coalition government. After reading the proposals, I found them slightly chilling. The new proposal stipulates that mothers would be entitled to just 18 weeks maternity leave with anything further by personal agreement.

Currently, mothers are entitled to 39 weeks of paid maternity leave and 13 weeks of unpaid maternity leave. Mothers can go back to work after just two weeks if they choose to or have little choice in the matter, but are entitled to take up to a year off which would not be paid at the decision of their employer. Fathers are entitled to two weeks of paid paternity leave.

The proposal put forward in the Government's Modern Workplaces consultation, published last year, would give mothers just 18 weeks of maternity leave, and at the employers discretion up to four weeks of reserved paid parental leave, followed by 17 weeks of paid parental leave and 13 weeks of unpaid parental leave, which could be shared between mothers and fathers.

There are some loopholes in the current wording putting parents at the mercy and sympathy of their employers and I personally found that when your working contract is at odds with legal maternal rights, no one, including Citizens Advice Bureau or Welfare Rights knows what to do with you. The new proposal sounds even worse for cases that may differ from the norm or at such stage involve complications often beyond the mother's control. At present, there is no allowance for special circumstances like medical need, including maternal problems pre or post-natally or conditions affecting the baby, such as infections or preterm birth. My own maternity leave, started the day Wriggles was born rather unexpectedly. From what I recall, my working contract did not actually include anything to do with maternity leave or in the event of, as I was a new graduate and at the time of employment, no one including me, knew I was pregnant. This made things even more complicated than they would have otherwise been and I was passed from pillar to post whilst someone tried to work out what I was entitled to, which was then further complicated by Wriggles being discharged on oxygen meaning that formal maternity leave went out the window and I ended up being on parental leave as a carer instead. However, for other parents with more watertight or appropriate work contracts, preterm birth can mean that maternity leave is brought forward drastically (one woman I spent the NICU journey with, started 6 months maternity leave after leaving work at 26 weeks to go on bed rest and then having an emergency Caesarian section at 27 weeks) or if you give birth spontaneously then maternity leave can start from that date.

The difficulty with a complicated labour, birth or neonatal period is that there are no magic answers, no fixed timescales and no promises. A rigid set number of weeks for maternity or indeed paternity or parental leave has no mercy on the world of NICU when things can change rapidly. If your child has been born prematurely and with no other obvious complications, parents are generally told to aim for discharge around the due date. Some get to leave early if things are going well and some stay in days, weeks and occasionally months afterwards. We all wish we had a crystal ball to predict things, but parents live on hope whilst employers and legal systems demand answers. Like, yesterday. 

Even once you have escaped hospital, you have two things staring you in the face: 1) you have just lost a huge chunk of time sat next to an incubator staring blanking and jumping out of your skin every five minutes when the monitor beeps and 2) you have possibly also mislaid a chunk of your mind as you process what your little family has just been through. Some parents seem to be able to walk away with a shudder of the past; many, many others struggle if not immediately afterwards. It is so hard to predict also what problems relating to or independent of prematurity will arise along development and how that will affect your working ambitions and situation.

Looking at the dates laid out, I have looked back over my 'maternity leave' and was horrified that I might have had to return to work when my daughter was only just 6 weeks corrected: an utter newborn.

18 weeks 17th January

At 18 weeks, Wriggles was still on full time oxygen. She was 5 weeks and 6 days corrected. She had no concept of a sleep routine although was slightly less erratic. Although she was a very good weight and lounged comfortably on the 50th centile for corrected age, she was a titch and was still largely in premature baby clothes as all the high street "tiny baby" and newborn sizes hung off her. She could have keep all her toys in the bottom of the sleepsuits! At 18 weeks we were still having visits twice a week from the community neonatal team to do oxygen saturation spot tests and check her weight and feeding. We were seeing the physio team regularly to deal with her torticollis and plagiocephaly and also had regular contact with the nutrition department and respiratory team to have monthly RSV jabs, to ensure she did not catch the virus which could have been extremely debilitating for a premature baby on oxygen. She would wake for small periods in the day (or night) and was largely floppy still. There were signs of her beginning to twitch her facial muscles although a smile was a while off yet, and her cry was very definitely the mewl of a newborn still. Reflux was here with a vengence and she would regularly projectile vomit and be quite unsettled. She fed 4 hourly on the dot and was a bit bemused by life, the universe and the idea of wearing tights (tried once only).

26 weeks 14th March

At 26 weeks (13 weeks and 6 days corrected) Wriggles had been weaned off oxygen in the daytime and was completing a sleep study with a view to removing it at night time too. She had had her first bout of suspected bronchiolitis. She was not yet on solids, although we started weaning the following week. She was sleeping for longer periods at night time and napping still in the morning, lunch and afternoon. She was in a pattern whereby she liked to have a bottle (100ml-125ml), go to sleep and then have some more milk when she woke up. She would drink roughly 20oz in 24 hours on a good day and had started teething, although no teeth would appear for another 6 months! She could hold her head up and smile and was very slowly beginning to tolerate tummy time. When on her tummy, she could raise her head for a few seconds and balance on her forearms and was beginning to learn the basics of cause and effect-.ie. hitting things on the baby gym. She could hold things briefly, like her frog rattle and the thing that made her smile most was our stuffed Very Hungry Caterpillar walking over her head and bopping her nose. I had been diagnosed with PND and was not coping marvellously well. I was sleeping and eating terribly, had lost quite a bit of wake and was struggling with social interactions and jealousy when other people held my baby. I had convinced myself she didn't know I was her mama and wouldn't care less who she was with; I loved her fiercely and this made my thought even sadder. The best bits of the days were cuddles on the sofa and Wriggles dozing on my chest. We still had weekly visits from the community neonatal team and had had the appointment for our 6 month check though.

Actually returning to work-33 weeks Early May

I was due to return to work in April 2010, in what would have been Wriggles' 29th week. However, she had the dreadful bad manners to contract pneumonia and wind up in Intensive Care for three weeks, effectively wiping out most of the month. Towards the end of the month, we ended up back in A&E once if not twice and so it ended up being the first week of May I was back. It ended out working out quite nicely as this gave us time to move and settle in and to also get to grips with our new GP surgery who would come to know us well. We got to know the childminder better and gave Wriggles some proper settling in time and me some piece of mind. By this time I was beginning to fall apart mentally but was determined to return to work with my single mother mantra held high. I started sertaline, a SSRI anti-depressant and was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress and was constantly haunted by nightmares and flashbacks. I felt incredibly detached from everything and it felt like difficulty bonding all over again. Gradually this would ease and I would learn (in the snatched healthy moments) to enjoy every millisecond of being with Wriggles and laugh and sing. Wriggles had miraculously put some weight on and despite every other weekend being rushed to hospital, was thriving in between. She was rather excitingly beginning to fit into 3-6 month clothing and could sit supported in the rather fantastic Bumbo which we were lent by the physio community team. She could finally bring hands to midline although refused to roll over. The oral aversion had started by now but at this point, not acknowledged by the medical team.

39 weeks 13th June

Although I would have preferred to have been off until at least 9 months corrected, if I had had to return to work at 39 weeks when Wriggles was 6 months corrected then it wouldn't have been the end of the world. Of course I already was at work and had been for over a month and with honesty was really struggling. I was too afraid to speak up in fear of jeopardising my position and barely had the time or energy to seek any advice which might have helped me. Further to the stress of having returned to work, we were in the thick of admissions and oral aversion meaning feeding was a struggle and we seemed to be at the hospital as much as home. It felt quite a bleak point for me, as it seemed that when Wriggles was well she was being looked after by someone else whilst I fiddled about with highlighters and when we were together it was at the blooming hospital again. I was finding things easier though in terms of mental health and my relationship with Wriggles felt stronger. I was finally accepting that she loved me back, and we were tentatively starting to go to mother and baby groups and socialise a lot more. Had I have been off until this point, I think I would have maybe had more chance to build and strengthen friendships with fellow parents, meaning I would have felt less isolated. I would have also felt more confidence in my mothering skills and certainty that I knew my daughter best.

52 weeks 14th September

At a year old, Wriggles could very-almost-nearly sit up for incredibly brief periods but was determined to master this skill. She did in the end a few weeks later, but was having wobbly periods of trying now. I was having much less wobbly moments although found her birthday harder than I had hoped I would. The oral aversion had been taken a little more seriously although the range of food she would accept if any, was very limited. She relied nearly entirely on milk although was more relaxed touching food. We had regular activities to go to and Wriggles was proving to be quite the party animal meeting other people. She has always been a social and smily baby, but the older she gets the more she seems to charm people! I do think, had I had all this time off then I would have returned to work with maybe a tear in my eye but ultimately well adjusted and ready for a fresh challenge. It would also have really helped as throughout the summer, respiratory infections came so thick and fast and each one was like a kick in the stomach. Things no one can warn you about truly whilst at NICU but something which nonetheless can be part of the package of a premature baby. Juggling this with a work regime is tiring, mentally and physically. Most evenings I would collapse on the sofa and it would be all I could do to try and concentrate on simple TV programmes let alone more adventurous stimulating hobbies.

Charities and parenting groups have already begun to express their concern. A key group of 17 groups wrote to the ministers outlining their concerns and pushing for a minimum standard of 26 weeks maternity leave to be implemented. They highlighted issues such as childcare problems, life with a newborn, parents coping at work and unforeseen complications such as a period of time in hospital for mother or baby or postnatal depression. The letter to ministers was signed by Bliss, Child Poverty Action Group, Citizens Advice, Family Lives, Fawcett Society, Maternity Action, Mothers Union, National Childbirth Trust,  NUJ, Prospect, Twins and Multiple Births Association (TAMBA), TUC, Unite, UNISON, University and College Union, Usdaw, and Working Families. 

You can join the Six Months For New Mums campaign run by Working Families including on Facebook, which is campaigning for all mums to have the right to a minimum of 26 paid weeks of maternity leave.

The more I have thought about it, then more passionately I feel that new mums with whether their first, second of fifth child should be valued and respected enough to have a sensible amount of time off. I know we are in a recession and that employers and the Government do not have bottomless pits of money or are there to act as charitable causes, but to me this proposal is sending out the wrong message to women and parents alike. It looks set to widen the gap between gender, those with and without families and endanger long term pay and working situations for families as well as ambition and motivation both at home and in the workplace. We are supposed to cherish family life: not wish it away.

Fiona

In the last few days I have had a letter from my old paediatric social worker Fiona, telling me that our file is due to be officially closed. She has said she will always be happy to reopen the file and will always be happy to give advice off the record but as we have been without complex medical needs for over six months, for now that is us done and let loose into the big wide world. Although we have not been reliant on her for a long time, it still feels a bit like taking the stabilisers off.

I was first assigned Fiona when Wriggles was less than 24 hours old. In my NICU unit, all parents with children under a certain gestation or those that for one reason or another were clearly going to have an extended hospital stay, automatically were given a health-based social worker. This aggravated many already fragile parents at first, assuming that the referral was a comment on their parent skills or social status, but as it was stressed by the kindly team it was actually to support us and make the neonatal ride easier. I don't know if this is uniform across neonatal units or if it is a service that everyone would welcome, but personally I found it a lifeline. Fiona became a confidant, friend, financial adviser, fundraiser, housing officer, counsellor, advocater, personal organiser and voice of reason at very low times.

Work

A long and frustrating day at work. As soon as 17:30 hit, I pelted out the door!

When Wriggles was first born, I was adamant I did not want to give up work. Most women have at least a portion of pregnancy to make lifestyle and financial decisions about what they will do when the baby comes, be it give up work, reduce hours, change jobs or return full time once maternity leave is over. Having not had this luxury, I was signed off for the obligatory month following childbirth. Obviously I was heavily in shock about the events that had just taken place and very worried for the little scrap lying in neonatal. I was also petrified about losing my job. At this point, I had not been able to establish paternal contact, was living in an flatshare that whilst had worked fine as a Singleton was already showing strains and my job could have gone one way or the other. I had not been in work for long, having only graduated a few months previously. I had worked part time throughout my degree and after filling in a rainforest worth of application forms, had landed A Grown Up Job. it wasn't the dream job, but it was one a thousand times better than many alternatives. It was in a sector I was passionate about (the arts) and for a small company I was familiar with and respected. My post would deal with community and education projects as well as administrative tasks. After four years at university studying fine art, a year at art college and two years doing three creative A levels as well as ethics & philosophy, I was well and truly signed up to the arts. As university wore on, I did become more pragmatic and cynical. I still loved the arts and do still firmly believe they add to the notion of "wellbeing" if accessed on a level playing field. However, my misgiving is that sometimes they are taken over by some quite selfish characters who fanny about. This was particularly why I was pleased to have some ties with schools and the community. Arts should be for everyone, not some specialist subject for brainboxes and families who can afford a small fortune to go around museums every weekend. Being able to orchestrate opportunities whether blatant or more complex was exciting. In my first two months I worked promoting a contemporary piece that looked at the family dynamic, the notion of love and to a degree, feminism. I loved it. The day I went into labour I was happily (well, uncomfortably) making props and running after ballerinas.

My new contract detailed nothing about maternity rights, I wasn't entitled to sick pay and some urgent meetings set up with Citizens Advice and Sure Start advisers confirmed I was a grey area. Local offices phoned regional offices who in turn phone head offices. No one could agree what I was entitled too in terms of finances, rights or leave. It looked like I was at the mercy of my boss who could use her discretion. It was looking increasingly likely that if I wanted any length of cobbled together maternity leave, it would be unpaid. It was not certain I would receive any benefits aside from child benefit and I certainly could not afford a year like this. At this point, Wriggles was too fragile to move anywhere fast, my family lived 300 miles away and it would be a complete uproot. I was lucky that my boss was happy to keep me on and we agreed I would return to work on a part time basis. Bonkers-ly I decided, "why wait"? My boss had reservations. Understandably. Something about avoiding the situation...

I won however. So, in weeks 5-9 of SCBU I returned for 20 hours a week. A silly idea; I was all over the place immediately. I think it was a relief for everyone when around week 8 (36 weeks gestation) the increasing apnoeas confirmed that my baby would go home on oxygen and would need a registered full time carer. Me! I was signed off work again and breathed a huge sigh of relief. Shortly after returning to work I had realised that I had to come to terms with the situation, and face on.

Until then I had been in such a state of shock I could not connect with proper rational or the rest of the world and I certainly could not connect with my own emotions. I do regret taking time out of the experience to work; although I spent every waking hour out of work in SCBU, staying until the last train home. But mostly I feel sad. I feel sad that I had so much on my plate, coming to terms with everything and supporting a teeny tiny baby, that I had to sort out work, to account like I have never accounted before to assess if I could manage, try and find a new home (this in the end got delayed slightly), oh yes and bond with my precious child! Having a sick child brings many challenges and one of the worst and least acknowldeged is that life trundles on outside of hospital. It can be a rude shock that life and all the boring bits do not wait for you.

I returned to work properly at around seven months. The oxygen was off and I was equally paranoid about being dismissed the longer I left returning and also managing financially. I desperately wanted to prove as a young-ish single mummy that I could provide at least a sizable chunk of my incomings to support my precious baby. In a perfect world I would have had some more time off; Wriggles was still sensitive to respiratory infections so most weekends were spent in hospital, I was at first still very much in the thick of PTSD and I had finally moved (hooray!). But as I said before, life isn't perfect.  I have a good childminder Wriggles adores (well, the cat at least) and although I have days where my once cherished job feels vacuous compared with what I have seen and I just want to be at home, I am also very proud that I can provide a lot of what surrounds me, bringing independence. It is only recently that I am coming round to the idea that I haven't mucked things up. Work does not seem to affect my relationship with my child for the worse, and some of the daytime hours missed in SCBU seem less relevant now. I always wanted to do the thing that would be "for the best" but now I think I have a far clearer idea of what that is.