Tears

6:18pm

It's teatime and there are tears. 

This isn't unusual. Wriggles' aversion to feeding has often distressed her to the point of tears in the past. I have long learnt that if this reaction is even hinted at, to chalk it up to experience and leave it for another go later. Somethings are just not worth it if that are that bad.

What is unusual is that today the tears are from me: I am crying.

But not from frustration.

Wriggles has just put a vegetable finger to her mouth.

No wait, she has put it in her mouth.

And...

I hold my breath, almost too hesitant to get my hopes up.

...bitten, chewed and swallowed! 

Tentatively, over about an half an hour, she returned again and again to nibble away at the vegetable finger. What was even more incredible than this* was the fact that when she couldn't cope with a texture, like a whole piece of sweetcorn, rather than gag and vomit like she has always done, she moved it around her mouth until she could spit it out. I was amazed at this sudden leap in process than I have been waiting for for what is now over a year. To actually willingly handle food, put it to her face, try some, repeatedly try it and use her oral motor skills to break it down... it is so simple and what we take for granted, but it is such PROGRESS and even thinking about it now brings a lump of pride to my throat. 

The past year has been a rollercoaster and has taught me a lot in patience and acceptance and I must admit, there were times like in recurrent weeks whereby she would not even go near food, where I fear it would never happen and we would succumb to tube feeding. I have a small section of baby and children books on my bookshelf that have taunted me with their weaning guides and food ideas. Before Wriggles came home and long before weaning, I devoured them soaking up ideas and formulating my own plans. I talked to the neonatal nurses about weaning premature babies and read the Bliss literature. I couldn't wait and had a box of food items and accessories before she even reached term. I did not forsee  a fraught period whereby she wouldn't even entertain being near food or touch cutlery; I didn't know the work that would be to break down her fear or distate for the sensory textures. Slowly, we have introduced milestone after milestone and now, a taste and management of "real food" is the icing on a cake. I'm not expecting miracles; it might not even be the beginning of the end of this time, but I am so pleased for her.

 I am so proud of my clever baby girl.

"What's all the fuss?"

*if you have never read anything here before, Wriggles has struggled with oral aversion and building up trust never mind a variety has been a very long slow process. In over a year, we are now at an albeit limited, "stage two" of the weaning process!

Miracles do happen

Saturday 26th May, 2012

Wriggles' food diary

age 20 and a little bit months (17 and a bit corrected)

07:00

200ml Paediasure Peptide milk (high calorie formula milk that has been partially broken down to aid absorption)

09:00-10:40

Graze on small crumbs of biscuit found on the carpet. Buffet is interrupted by Mummy hoovering said crumbs up. Lord knows where they came from/how long they have been there

11:15

What are these delicious items?! About five Organix Tomato Slices (wheel shaped puffed corn type items. Mercifully containing no salt, unlike the beloved Quavers Wriggles has lived on for the past two weeks)

12:45

[ferrets in my handbag and thrusts yoghurt pot at me] "Mother, this here I believe is a yogurt and this is a spoon. Feed me!!"

Just over three quarters of an Alpro soya yoghurt, toffee flavoured

13:15

[mime] "What is that, mother?"

"My sandwich. Yum yum yum."

[grab]

"Errrr you can have A BIT. I need some lunch!"

"Hmph."

Chews a corner of malted bread: first time she has consented to trying to eat bread!

13:28

One cheese and onion crisp (Scottish Grandma's lunch)

Half a ready salted crisp (Mummy's lunch)

Several more Organix snack thingies

13:32

Stop trying to sneak food past me. I can see you have opened the chocolate rice cakes. Give!

A nibble of rice cake. Does not pass the taste test.

Another chew of becoming-stale corner of Mummy's sandwich

13:48

The end of a cardboard kitchen roll tube

13:50

160ml Paediasure Peptide with some chilled water as it is Very Hot

15:40

125ml Paediasure Peptide mixed with 25ml chilled water

17:30-18:25

Polish off remainder of Organix Tomato Slices bag and nibble on fingers

18:35

Two thirds of Alpro vanilla soya yoghurt with a about a quarter of Plum Apple and Raspberry stage one puree pouch whilst waiting for the metro back home

18:50

Few more spoonfuls of soya dessert and fruit with intermittent grazing of bit of sponge finger located under the bookshelf. (Note to self: must tidy up more often)

19:15

Chew fridge magnet.

Swiftly have fridge magnet removed.

Return to increasingly soggy sponge finger

19:40

150ml Paediasure Peptide

20:10

Gag on bottle and projectile vomit across collection of toys, sofa and carpet.

Looks suspiciously like entire teatime contents from 17:00 onwards*

20:45

125ml Paediasure Peptide as nightcap (and to replace the vast majority of dinner and previous attempted nightcap)

Ignoring the gag-induced vomiting, this is the most Wriggles has eaten for bloody ages.

It is also probably the healthiest she has eaten for bloody ages.

(Alright, it might not read very healthily, but largely she lives on a) high calorie milk which usually makes up around 90%+ of her daily nutritional intake b) Quavers-the curse of Speech and Language's suggestions c) occasional crumbs of biscuit, and not always sugar-free baby-friendly guilt-free ones at that)
It is certainly the most adventurous. She tried at least two new things. In one day.
Does this mean that my own meals are no longer sacred?!




*people always say airily of vomit "oh it's never as much as it looks!". However, Wriggles is very good at disproving this theory. On previous admissions, nurses have done double takes at the enormous pools of yuck on the floor and frequently have been known to exclaim mildly unprofessionally "Christ almighty, was that just in one sitting?" and her notes generally read 'vomit: MASSIVE +++'. She appears to have a pretty sluggish digestive system too and can quite easily soak a large adult bath towel. She has also previously (accidentally I sincerely hope) aimed into receptacles such as a mug and bowl. Classy.