Click! Learning how to take pictures

 

This rather sums up my "photography resolution" for the year ahead. I have been taking more photographs over the last few months, partly as batteries were on a super-save offer so I actually have spares in the house and partly as I am keenly aware my baby is growing up fast and soon I will have a boisterous child rather than gurgly infant, and only a handful of memories of that first year and a bit which is so precious. It's funny how in the newborn period you wander round as a sleep deprived zombie cursing the days for not going fast enough and 6 months later you mourn the fact that your floppy baffled person is far more person and the baffled one is now you. I took few photographs in the early days in hospital and now regret that. It was painful at the time and still hurts to look back on, but it was still her life and to adopt a talk-show-host-ism "our journey".

So, I want evidence of all the time we spend together. 

Also it will be quite funny when her first boyfriend comes round.

1. Locate manual for camera. Failing that, try to deduce what all the fancypants settings actually mean or failing even that (likely) work out when the flash is needed and when it is not. Likewise when to angle the shot so it is not almost entirely consumed my rare moments of sun streaming in (see above)

2. Try to remove immense quantity of mess from shot

3. Don't let baby too near camera: she will attempt to chew it

4. Lure friends round to operate camera and/or work out the 'timer' setting. There are very very few pictures of Wriggles with me which I find sad as I spend every day with her. I want a physical memory of that for both of us to look back on.

Despite the fact the above photograph is technically dreadful, I quite like it.  Apart from the fact you can't tell I have food on my top, haven't quite brushed my hair and Wriggles has a slightly snotty nose, we appear to have seamlessly blended into one. Awwww....

Eyes

 "She talks with her eyes."

So many people have said this to me. And it is so true. You may not yet be verbal but my goodness you are expressive. Your large and beautiful eyes are like a window to yourself. I could stare into them all day as if I had all the time in the world and not a care.

When I was lost for words when you were in Special Care I would stare endlessly into them, pure and utter jet black, newly opened, trying to decipher your face and thoughts. The premature and new infant can only see 6-8 inches infront of them and may not recognise you instantly if you change your appearance. They see black and white. I held you close and peered practically nose against the incubator doors.

When you first began to smile in the beginning of January 2011 it felt like my world began to glow that little bit more. It seemed like I had passed the test. You recognised me and I knew it, really knew it.

The very worst time was when you were 7 months old in Intensive Care and unconcious. Not being able to look into your eyes and see them dart about and drink everything in made it seem like I had lost my baby. The only thing that reassured me I still had you was the monitering screen which recorded your vital signs. You were passive and still, like a doll. When you regained conciousness and drowsily, confused opened them again there was colour and meaning to my life once more and a happiness I did not think possible. It was the visible sign that recovery was happening. 


Your eyes are like mine, I think. They have the colouring of your Great-Grandma but look like mine and your aunt's. One is always that little bit more open and wider than the other, a slightly sqwiffy glint! Yours are always so eager, so bright and full of energy. They are piercing and make my heart skip a beat everytime I look into them.  

They also often have bags underneath them as you dislike napping in the day, adament not to miss a second of the life you love! But I promise, you won't miss a thing. I'll make sure the best bits are still there waiting for you. 

One of my favourite things is to have you snuggled up with me in my bed on lazy weekend mornings so we can come-to together, nose to nose. There is nothing better than to wake up than a pair of bright, cheeky eyes filling your vision as if to say "Come on! Hurry up! There's a whole new day ahead!" as you poke out my eyes. But I'll forgive you. This time.