Sometimes, life feels a little like groundhog day. We get up, I try to feed Wriggles, Wriggles refuses to be fed, we do toddler stuff, there are stamped feet, we go to bed. It is TIRING. I have just felt so tired out and beyond Wriggles, lacking in any motivation, control or interest. I can't switch off very well and take a long time to go to sleep. This has resulted in going to bed later, and later. And still staring at the ceiling. Wriggles is sleeping very well at present (aside from waking at dawn to gag and vomit all over her bed; thanks a bunch, reflux) which means she is waking later than normal. Because I feel so lethargic, I am also waking later than normal. Most days. Whilst here and there, this is a blissful treat, it is now throwing my intended day(s) out of kilter and by the time we are both dressed, cleaned and fed it is continually pushing 11am. Not great at all. Plans disintegrate, confidence and sense of accomplishment takes a nosedive and suddenly a circle forms quickly, leaving feeling trapped and paralysed to do anything about it. It is so simple: go to bed earlier, adhere to alarm clock, get up, eat properly. I've even got a pack of Sertaline lying in the fruit bowl. Before Christmas, I went and argued with my GP that I needed something to give me a kick start again, that although I was coping, I didn't feel too far off from not coping.
Christmas was a welcome break. A new environment, some commercial and warm fuzzy hearted glow, some spare pairs of hands and some mince pie. It ended, and suddenly normality loomed large again and everything was back to how it was before. I know now more than ever, I need to be firm with myself or I will loose days, days and more days to these feelings. So a belated resolution starts now.
In other news, following not one but two referrals from speech therapy, Wriggles has slowly started to attempt to accumulate some words. We have nearly 10 words (some needing serious translation) which is a good 6 more from when we last saw SALT. I don't think this will excuse us from any therapy referrals but it does fill me with enormous pride and as little bit of relief that we are getting somewhere! It also gives Wriggles and excellent new game of 'hiding' in the kitchen cupboards waving "buh-ba-buh-ba" (bye-bye. Obviously) then flinging the door open shouting "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" giggling like a loon. I think she definitely appreciates her new vocal addition to this game.
I have also been doing some reading on blended diet, which I will definitely blog more about. I don't have many grievances about formula. Heaven knows, Wriggles has done phenomenally well on it. It has provided all her nutrients and energy to grow whether by bottle or tube so I am quite happy with it. It's just the eating thing. I would so love to make progress this year, so have been looking at different things and hearing other tubie-parents testimonies.
The beginning of this makes me sound very mopey. I haven't been solely wandering aimlessly wringing my hands. Here is some proof we have also had some fun:
|Playing in the dollhouse|
|Is it a boat, is it a bed...? Answers on a postcard!|