Tuesday, November 6

Pass on the Luuuuurve

No, it's not too much gin. It is a marvellous linky about great people what blog, inspire you, tickle you, make you weep a little bit and also make you snort unattractively out loud at time. There are several blogs I follow and hold in high esteem, but my favourite is Diary of a Premmy Mum written by Leanna, who was runner-up for Best Baby Blog in the MAD awards this year.

Leanna had been blogging a few months before I did. Indeed, hers was one I read avidly before I started. Her daughter had been born at 25+1 and was a few months younger than my daughter Wriggles. At the time, I was struggling emotionally and reading about similar experiences made me feel sane and less alone. I immediately connected with the way Leanna talked about things, her (often black) humour and the strength that came through even if she didn't recognise it.

One of the first posts of Leanna's I read was about bonding with your child in a pressured environment and it was like being struck-as if someone had been looking in my thoughts about my worries, how I had coped and how I was worried about being perceived as coping and bonding. She talked about 'Mummy-bot', the alter-ego that I suspect many special care parents know all to well.

I also loved when Leanna talked about unwanted victories and summed it up perfectly.

"See I wanted to do what other Mothers did, to cuddle and comfort their babies, to tuck them up in just the right way that only Mummy knows how, but when it became evident that this wasn't really an option, I wanted to know what the doctors and nurses knew! I wanted to do as they did!

Of course deep down I knew that I had neither the skills or experience to carry out these roles and probably looked very ridiculous trying, but still I think my Smidge knew I was there for her. Hell- I think everyone knew I was there for her!

But did predicting an infection or surgical assessment help me feel more like her Mother? Yes. Did it help when I was right? Not one little bit"

In many ways, I still feel elements of this whenever I come face to face with a paediatrician or nurse. Despite the fact I now have my daughter at home, am not just primary but her only carer, I still feel like I'm scrabbling about making up for lost time and wanting to prove that I know everything. Which of course, I don't. 

Since starting blogging last year, both of our blogs have unfortunately charted recurrent emergency admissions and varying states of health for our mad preemies. Of course there have also been some brilliant moments and milestones, but it is the unexpected twists that throw you off course and intensifies a need for a helping hand. And Leanna has been nothing short of that, a metaphorical cyber octopus maybe. From supportive comments on the blog, to touching packages sent to our children's ward, I know that there is at least one person out there, if the other end of the country, that "gets it", that knows how it feels. And that makes me feel really quite secure and a bit relieved. And also quite popular on the wards if in hospital. So far, my ill daughter has thwarted our efforts to meet in real life, but I am determined that one day we shall to exchange frazzled anecdotes, run after mad toddlers and eat a lot of biscuits and keep gin in business.

With world prematurity day coming up, there are many great posts over at Diary of a Premmy Mum about how it is having a baby in hospital, unwanted transfers, life on discharge and a growing ex-prem toddler. And if you still want more, there is toddler-craft with egg boxes and some thrifty pumpkin tips! 

Be off with you to read and appreciate now.

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