Wednesday, August 15

The Letter

Plop.

A thick white envelope plopped through my letterbox this lunchtime. I rightly suspected it was from the hospital and would have the contents of Wriggles' upcoming operation in it. 

Dear Parents or Guardians,

Please bring Wriggles to be admitted to Ward 1a, new Victoria Wing as an in-patient on:

DAY: Tuesday
DATE: 21st August 2012
TIME: 12:00PM

**WRIGGLES WILL BE ADMITTED FOR AN ANAESTHETIC/RESPIRATORY REVIEW AND WILL HAVE PEG INSERTION AND BRONCHOSCOPY ON THE MORNING OF WEDNESDAY 22.8.12. SHE WILL NEED TO STAY IN HOSPITAL FOR A FEW DAYS FOLLOWING THE PROCEDURE**

Please make sure your child has had a bath the evening before and that finger and toe nails are short and clean. Please arrange transport home BEFORE admission. It is not suitable to take public transport. 

Yours sincerely,

Paediatric Gastroenterology

Accompanying was a thick booklet describing about anaesthetics. Most of it I knew anyway from having gone through the finer points with consultants and nurses. It sent a chill through me though.

THIS IS REAL.

This is happening.

Although I am a little daunted by the PEG and tube-feeding for the forseeable future, I am mostly at peace (or at least too exhausted to argue) about that. I have suspected we would end up with one type of tube or another due to the ongoing oral aversion and reflux, so although it was a surprise to receive one on respiratory and neurological grounds, the end is the same. So that bit is as ok as it is ever going to be with a parent. I know a tube will help massively with chest problems and also hopefully decrease vomiting and gagging and importantly give us a ton more freedom to approach feeding from a truly more relaxed angle. I am fine about the bronchoscopy and endoscopy bit, as I have felt for a while that it is high time someone paid more than 5 minutes attention to the state of her airways, lungs and oesophagus.

The bit I am a bit less fine about in the anaesthetic.

Obviously, it HAS to be done. Obviously I want Wriggles 110% comfortable and blissfully ignorant to what is being done and investigated. But it terrifies the living daylights out of me.

I am confident in the skill of all those involved and I know that general anaesthetics are very low-risk and that thousands of people a year receive them, from neonatal to the elderly, and that it is incredibly rare complications happen. I know that people every year in acute states of illness are operated on successfully and laugh in the face of anaesthetics. I am also just hyper aware that we have already been warned that the risk has increased from this recent admission, putting us in an area where in an ideal world, the surgeons would rather wait quite a while. I know provisionally a space is being reserved for us in PICU in case either something happens under anaesthetic (mostly likely a respiratory arrest) or Wriggles becomes rather too friendly with the ventilator once the anaesthetic wears off. I am so scared that we might end up in PICU again and that once more, my baby girl might be tested to her limits. I have spent nearly three weeks with her in a sedated state, and I have no wish to do so again. More to the point, I have no wish for her to be in that state as long as she lives.

Next week, is not going to be a walk in the park.

7 comments:

  1. Good luck with everything. I look forward to when it's all over and Wriggles can come home safe and sound. xxxx

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  2. Oh I'm aching for you. On 21st Aug at 12pm there'll be lots of thinking and praying going on. I hope somehow you can feel peaceful about it over the next week. BIG HUGS to you, I wish we lived nearer and could be more supportive xxx

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  3. It will be a scary day and feel like eternity while she is in surgery. Hope you have someone to sit with you. Gemma had 6 GAs and it never got any easier for us.
    Will be thinking of you x

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  4. Surgery is never easy. The leading up to and waiting during is the absolute worst. But then, it's over. And you can hopefully relax and BREATH. Come up with a plan. Give her room to take food when she wants. Let her learn to trust food how she wants. And hopefully they will get a handle on anything else going on. It will give you a lot of freedom in that regard. I will be checking in to see how everything goes!

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  5. Hugs Amy, I'm pleased the surgeons decided to wait. Just goes to show, they won't take any risks on your little girl.
    Think about all the drugs wriggles has had to date! The girl is gunna do good! You'll see! Xx

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  6. Oh bless you. I can only imagine how scary this must be for you. Wriggles is a strong girl, and you are strong too. Lots of hugs love xx

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  7. Dee ChandavarkarTuesday, 21 August, 2012

    Dear Mouse, all the best for the op. May this be the turning point in Wiggles' development. All will be well. Loads of best wishes - Dee

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