35/52 Errrr.......

30/52 Spot the Baby

Happy

This evening, I was baking cakes (it has to be plural as my success rate in the baking department is highly variable. Tonight it was mercifully two out of three), jiggling around wearing an apron to some favourite music and realised that I was feeling something I perhaps hadn't felt massively for a while when on my own:

Happy. 

Content. 

Not sad. 

Not scared. 

Not anxious.

Not regretful. 

Not guilty. 

Not remorseful.

Just pleasantly chilled and covered in flour.

When I am with my little girl, I am generally fine. It is when she goes to bed, that the thoughts come tumbling out one by one ambushing me until I feel like keeling over with the weight of it all. Everything becomes mammoth, everything becomes my fault. My strength drains away and I have no will. But tonight, I feel light. Light and fluffy and hopefully the cakes in the oven!

Some good moments from our week:

Hedgehog comes for a day out

Definitely NOT afraid of the big bad (stuffed) wolf

"Helping" sorting out for the Tiny Lives sale fundraiser for our NICU

Messpot

24/52 Mad Toddler Hair

Uninspired: our week

In the "Big Girl Chair" for a rare moment

Art Attack

My Little Princess

"Hmmm how much mess can I make...?"

Wherever next?!

22/52 Spot the Culprit

Uninspired

Dear Bloggy, this last fortnight I have been feeling out of sorts. Not down exactly, just unsettled. I can't put my finger on it: nothing is wrong, and actually I've had some pretty lovely days sitting in the park with the Wriggly one. I've even been unusually social and made an effort with mum and baby friends and been rewarded with fantastic afternoons, company and birthday invitations. I'm finally feeling less of a fraud and more of one of the gang. So what is it? Maybe it's the impending knowledge my job is coming to an end and I've got to fix up and suddenly be a full-time mum on *whispers* benefits. Maybe it's that change is all around, and not always happily. Maybe that time has suddenly flown and somehow I've got a toddler who won't go to bed properly and likes ferreting in the bin. Maybe it's because I am dreadful at religiously taking my anti-depressants. Maybe I shouldn't torture myself watching programmes like Great Ormond Street and reading Call the Midwife, because some of the content is a little too close to home, however interesting it may be. Maybe it's that old favourite hormones. Maybe it Just Is. 
Anyway, while I try and scrape my brain back into my head, here is some of what we have been up to:

How much can I pull off the bookshelf and fling everywhere...?

Practise makes Perfect

Bookworm

Bonding with Talking Teddy (who appears to have short circited and thinks his foot is his hand. No Teddy, no)

"Higher, mama, higher!"

21/52

 

Out of Office

Dear Reader,

Gone sun bathing. Normal service will resume later.

Remember your sunhats,

Love from 

Mouse

 xxx

19/52 Exploring

Happy Memories

18/52 A Little Monster

17/52 New Skills

16/52 Dressing Up

How did you get that big?

Human biology really is incredible. Two years ago I was hosting a cluster of fast multiplying cells. Today I have an energetic genuine human being crawling around and giggling. How does it happen? (Now settle down; I know how it happens, I do not need reminding) But how does one moments, one event, one relatively very small period of time, one meeting of people who may be very close or may barely know each other, how does that suddenly become another entirely different human being? How is it allowed without fireworks, a fanfare, something magical to mark that a new creation is taking place? I often wonder about it when I watch my daughter. I could just watch her all day, discovering new things. She has just worked out basic shape sorting and stacking toys and her new favourite game is "putting things on grown ups heads". It looks like she is trying to sock you in the eye with Rabbit; she is actually trying to give you a new hat. But how did that come out of something that seemed so insignificant at the time? When her father comes to visit, I often wonder if he thinks it to but isn't brave enough to say either. How did we, now so separate, make a truly wonderful person not just with ten fingers and ten toes but with a cheeky personality, a mind and a set of thoughts all of her own?

11/52 Mummy, I am NOT IMPRESSED

 

10/52 Wriggles 1-Oral Aversion 0

 

8/52

 

 

7/52