BY WRIGGLES

 Hello,

I am back home with my mama and toy hedeghogs after our holiday in hospital. It was really scary but then was really good as everyone made a fuss of me and kept letting me thieve their keyrings and phones. I still have a wiggly worm up my nose which I really don't like at all and is scary when people have to put it back in. I don't like it so I hide in my mum.

Thank you Skittle for your excellent taste in books and Smidge for your superb teapot-I cannot wait to play tea parties! And to everyone for praying for me and thinking of me and wishing me well when I was really poorly and on another planet entirely. Thank you so much (my mama made me write that last bit)

Much love,

Wriggles xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Miracles do happen

Saturday 26th May, 2012

Wriggles' food diary

age 20 and a little bit months (17 and a bit corrected)

07:00

200ml Paediasure Peptide milk (high calorie formula milk that has been partially broken down to aid absorption)

09:00-10:40

Graze on small crumbs of biscuit found on the carpet. Buffet is interrupted by Mummy hoovering said crumbs up. Lord knows where they came from/how long they have been there

11:15

What are these delicious items?! About five Organix Tomato Slices (wheel shaped puffed corn type items. Mercifully containing no salt, unlike the beloved Quavers Wriggles has lived on for the past two weeks)

12:45

[ferrets in my handbag and thrusts yoghurt pot at me] "Mother, this here I believe is a yogurt and this is a spoon. Feed me!!"

Just over three quarters of an Alpro soya yoghurt, toffee flavoured

13:15

[mime] "What is that, mother?"

"My sandwich. Yum yum yum."

[grab]

"Errrr you can have A BIT. I need some lunch!"

"Hmph."

Chews a corner of malted bread: first time she has consented to trying to eat bread!

13:28

One cheese and onion crisp (Scottish Grandma's lunch)

Half a ready salted crisp (Mummy's lunch)

Several more Organix snack thingies

13:32

Stop trying to sneak food past me. I can see you have opened the chocolate rice cakes. Give!

A nibble of rice cake. Does not pass the taste test.

Another chew of becoming-stale corner of Mummy's sandwich

13:48

The end of a cardboard kitchen roll tube

13:50

160ml Paediasure Peptide with some chilled water as it is Very Hot

15:40

125ml Paediasure Peptide mixed with 25ml chilled water

17:30-18:25

Polish off remainder of Organix Tomato Slices bag and nibble on fingers

18:35

Two thirds of Alpro vanilla soya yoghurt with a about a quarter of Plum Apple and Raspberry stage one puree pouch whilst waiting for the metro back home

18:50

Few more spoonfuls of soya dessert and fruit with intermittent grazing of bit of sponge finger located under the bookshelf. (Note to self: must tidy up more often)

19:15

Chew fridge magnet.

Swiftly have fridge magnet removed.

Return to increasingly soggy sponge finger

19:40

150ml Paediasure Peptide

20:10

Gag on bottle and projectile vomit across collection of toys, sofa and carpet.

Looks suspiciously like entire teatime contents from 17:00 onwards*

20:45

125ml Paediasure Peptide as nightcap (and to replace the vast majority of dinner and previous attempted nightcap)

Ignoring the gag-induced vomiting, this is the most Wriggles has eaten for bloody ages.

It is also probably the healthiest she has eaten for bloody ages.

(Alright, it might not read very healthily, but largely she lives on a) high calorie milk which usually makes up around 90%+ of her daily nutritional intake b) Quavers-the curse of Speech and Language's suggestions c) occasional crumbs of biscuit, and not always sugar-free baby-friendly guilt-free ones at that)
It is certainly the most adventurous. She tried at least two new things. In one day.
Does this mean that my own meals are no longer sacred?!




*people always say airily of vomit "oh it's never as much as it looks!". However, Wriggles is very good at disproving this theory. On previous admissions, nurses have done double takes at the enormous pools of yuck on the floor and frequently have been known to exclaim mildly unprofessionally "Christ almighty, was that just in one sitting?" and her notes generally read 'vomit: MASSIVE +++'. She appears to have a pretty sluggish digestive system too and can quite easily soak a large adult bath towel. She has also previously (accidentally I sincerely hope) aimed into receptacles such as a mug and bowl. Classy.

My Tuesday Day (scribbled down by Wriggles)*

*as inspired/thieved from Diary of a Premmy Mum and Mummy Pink wellies without the cool pictures.

8am.

Ouch. Something has happened. Something dreadful. My foot hurts. Oh-it's stuck in the cot bars. That must be why. Actually so is my other one. How an earth did they get there? Hang on....I'm sure I went to sleep the other way around. And facing the other way. And my blanket has jumped underneath me. Stupid blanket. MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMM

8:02am

Rescued. Still in my cot the right way round. Muuuuuuuuuum. I'm still awake even if my feet are somewhere more sensible. Mummmmmm. What do you mean you're tired still?!

8:03am

"The marvellous mechanical Mouse Orchestra! We will find it we wil bind it....." Ooooh it's the singing Bagpuss Mouse toy!!

8:07am

MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM

8:07 and a bit am

"The marvellous mechanical Mouse Orchestra! We will find it we wil bind it....." Ooooh it's the singing Bagpuss Mouse toy again!!

8:11am 

MUUUUM. Breakfast! Mummmmmmm! MUM MUM MuM. Oh blast I'm stuck again.

8:12am

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee I'm flying. Oh wait. Hang on, it's you. Well about time Mummy! Is it breakfast now? Right now? Where is breakfast? Where where where? I'm hungry. Oh you're so unfair putting the kettle on for YOU. Oh it's for me and my bottle. Yum yum yum yum yum. Forgiven? What? Who? Just give me the milk. Slurp slurp slurp.

8:34am

No I do not want the toast. That is your stupid breakfast. Unless I can rip it up and put it in the sofa? Ooooh nice hot mug. Can I have that?

8:35am

Hmmmph. 

8:55am

You aren't going to believe it but there are two of me. Look, one is in that shiny thing. Hello! Helllo!!!! Hello!!! Another baby! And Me #2 has got a cheese-and-mouse-you too. Good taste. 

9:20am

I could have sworn I had a mummy but she seems to have disappeared. The bathroom is making a very loud noise. Bored. MUUUUUM. Oh there you are. Are we playing the hairdryer game? Nice noisy hairdryer! Ooooh oohooh it tickles!

9:31am

Just because you want to get dressed I see no reason why that means I should too. Get off get off get off. Ooh hello toes. Can I put them in my nappy, please? You're no fun, mummy. I want to play with my toes. Oh a sock. Hello sock!

9:45am

Maybe clothes aren't so bad after all. Hmm that mug looks like a good game. Look how good I am at reaching over veeerrrrryyyy cunningly.........why am I face down on the carpet? Where is the mug? Can we read books? Mummy is quite strange. And very slow. She reads them very slowly with words. Picture books are called picture books for a reason, mummy. She just doesn't get it.

10:18am
I think it is time for Elevenses and a very small cat nap....of precisely thirteen seconds. I'm awake!!!

10:55am
 Attack! I'm being attacked! Something bright pink has swooped down on me and swallowed up one of my arms. Haahaa fooled you, I've got my arm back. Oh it's trying again. The unfairness! Now it's going for the other one! Well, tough luck 'cos I've just freed my first arm. Again?! Really? stupid coat. Hmpppph.

11:03am
Apparently "we're late". This means we have to walk in the pushchair at break-neck speed along the road. Wheeeee I like racing! Vrrrroooom a car! Eek it's a bit chilly. Maybe I should have let the mittens win after all.

11:18am
Hooray now I remember! Tuesdays are Jo Jingles days. Babies! Hello fellow comrades! Oh hello someone's granny. Yes, I am adorable. Is it time to meet Jo yet? I wonder what is under this here red rug? Oooh hello....

12:01pm
I might let the coat win just this once as I have been allowed to pull all of the contents out of mummy's handbag and I poked a little boy in the eye. He pulled my hair and stole my rattle; I think it might be true love.
Are we going to the coffee shop? I only eat lunch in coffee shops**.

12:06pm
Can I have a coffee too?

12:17pm
And your biscuit?

12:56pm
Mmmmmmmmm full of milk and a little bit of mushed mango and mummy's biscuit crumbs......quite sleepy now......ooh a traffic light!!

13:29pm
Back home. Can I have a top-up slurp and then I might go to - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

2:47pm
MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMM I'm stuck in the cot bars again!
Is it time for more milk? I think so. Yum yum yum. Oooh the mug is back again. Ouch. I appear to be stuck in the carpet once more. Memo to self: must work on balancing.
Come on mummy, I want to look at this and this and this and this and this and mouse and this and hedgehog and ooooh tasty hedegehog nose and this and this and it makes a sound and this and this and this and look I'm on all fours! Why aren't I moving?

15:31pm
I appear to have become wedged halfway underneath the sofa. Maybe that explains why people move forwards not shuffle backwards. Might adopt change of tack in attempts at movement.

16:01pm
My friend Gemma has come round! I hope all friends don't make you do leg stretches and set you tasks and make you put all your limbs in funny places. It is very tiring. But she does have a really good bag of toys and even better has a set of official looking cards hung around her neck. Now that is a good friend.

16:53pm
I want a cuddle. I'm tired. My legs feel wobbly. I'm tired. Mmmmmm nice mummy cuddles. Can we look at all the pictures of me on the fridge? Thank you mummy. Hello me! That's better. I like looking at my baby pictures. Did you know it is clinically proven to ward off grumpy symptons and appease tantrums?*** It is just about as good as being turned upside down or doing the hokey cokey. Mwhahahah I don't know what mummy is going to do when I am a Big Girl with Stroppy Fits in public. No fridges or room to swing me by ankles then!****

17:33pm
I DO NOT WANT ANY TEA. WE ARE NOT IN A COFFEE SHOP.
GET IT AWAY.
GET IT AWAY.
GET IT AWAY!

Is it time for Abney and Teal?

17:56pm
Get that spoon away from me. I can see you, mummy.

18:02pm
I can still see you. It's not going to work.

18:17pm
Can I have your dinner? But only if it is turned upside down on the carpet. Haha fooled you. We've been over this before, I am NOT eating anything.

19:05pm

Hooray it's bathtime. I have just learnt how to splash and it is actually amazing. If I bring my arm down like this it goes SPLOSH and water goes everywhere. Look look I'll do it again! I really like bath times now. The only bit I dislike is getting out and getting dried off.
It's not FAIR. Luckily I have been learning about the art of practise tantrums from my new friend Elodie and have been showing my mummy how much I intensely dislike being taken out the bath. I don't think she is very impressed.

19:14pm
Mmmmm nice snuggly jimjams. As it is winter in the frozen North I have special fleece sleepsuits to keep me warm as I am an expert at kicking my blankets off. I suspect this is a genetic flaw as when mummy wakes up her bed is half on the floor and half nibbling her up. Nice snuggle bedtime hugs too and kisses. I will do my nice goldfish impersonation now before ny bedtime milk. Guzzle guzzle.

19:38pm
See you in the morni--zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

**this genuinely is true. Alas. Or pubs. Since the middle of December, Wriggles has only eaten solids in public if there is a whizzy coffee machine nearby. Is there a medical condition which generates such symptoms? (other than Impending Toddleritus)

***this is a bit of a fib, but I am not letting on to Wriggles

****this is nowhere near as dangerous as it sounds